I typed with the dexterity of an artist, hoping to convince my girlfriend that I was truly sorry for blocking her after a misunderstanding. Her response? “…sorry means nothing to me.” We hadn’t spoken in days, and I had sent her a WhatsApp message with deep remorse, trusting the melody in my words to convey my heartfelt apologies. But though said with a salt-sprinkled tongue, sorry was not enough. In today’s fast-paced social media world, it is easy to say sorry. A few taps on the screen, and it’s done—often devoid of any depth or emotion. The letters don’t carry the weight they once did. Sorry is the art of children trying to avoid punishment and adults merely doing damage control. So, even when said with the best intention, it raises the strongest doubts.
After pondering for a while, thinking about what else I could do, I recalled a powerful lesson I had learned years back: the art of prostrating for a woman. Men prostrate to greet elders in my culture and for the bride’s relatives during a wedding to show respect and gratitude. But for one’s woman, it’s practically unheard of. Prostration is the pinnacle of Yoruba men’s humility. It is something that traditionally, you would only do for those who are considered higher in status or age, like elders or religious leaders. Flipping the roles is like beating a man in a brawl in front of his children. As a child, I often felt humiliated when my father forced me to prostrate to my sisters after I had wronged them. It was as though I had to wear my shame on my head for all to see. My younger self did not think they were worthy of such a massive gesture, but this strong sense of humiliation and resistance is precisely what makes prostrating so powerful. A man is not capable of faking it. It cannot be performed mechanically. Its authenticity is undeniable. It’s like a tree which roots must break before it falls. If it’s not forced, it is true.
In my culture, men are the head of their households, the leader to whom respect flows. Naturally, prostrating for a partner elicits a tremendous sense of humiliation and revolt in them, which can only be overcome by a more powerful force of repentance. And in an age where words are often misunderstood and apologies can feel hollow, this extraordinary act has become a powerful instrument of reconciliation. The sobriety of a man who prostrates for his woman is never questioned. It’s an act of humility that says more than words ever could. Prostrating, for men, is extrusive, a volcano eruption, red and flaming on the outside, yet hotter on the inside. To a woman, it comes as a nasty shock, a surprise. Unsettling but comforting.
The man who bows is no longer just a partner—he is a vulnerable human being.
Women adore heroes. But while men may dream about fighting a lion to protect their women, this is unlikely to happen. You see the simple act of prostrating when sorry seems insufficient, it is attainable. What makes it heroic is that very few men will ever have the guts to do it. The one who dares proves the depth of his remorse and commitment.
Damilola Ayeni is the former editor of the Foundation for Investigative Journalism
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